like/dislike

There are certain things about my job that I find enjoyable right now.

The work is hands on. You can feel the contribution that you made on that particular day. There's also the satisfaction of going out, doing a job and knowing that you got something done (or perhaps didn't get it done).

It is an operations environment, not a project environment. Of course there are projects always under development by the company and to a far lesser degree at the local district level. Nonetheless the local level is focused on day to day operations and dealing with a constantly changing situation. I have a good idea what will happen tomorrow, but I won't know until the morning and get another update and even then it's just a rough sketch. Planning two days in advance is almost an exercise in futility. Sometimes, the board and the schedule and the crews will shift several times in a single day and that's part of the fun.

Of course, I can easily envision myself moving on into a less grittily hands on environment. Likewise, I can see myself in a more project oriented environment and having a good time. However, right now, I like the operations, the constant shifting, and the fact that I can make decisions and see the results the same day.

Of course, there are things that I don't care much for. Perhaps it's not work as much as it is Farmington. There's something about this place that I just can't put my finger on. Actually, I know what I don't like about this place. It's the pick-up truck, four-wheeler, Keystone culture. It's not intellectual and sophisticated and cosmopolitan. If anything, it's anti all those things. Perhaps I get that vibe because I work in the oil patch. Plus, best I can tell, not every field engineer that's been through this district has endeared themselves to everyone else. Hence, there is a bit of disdain for field engineers in general.

In another sense, I am dismayed (but not surprised) by how narrow-minded people can be. Subtly and nuance are too complex for people to want to understand. People want the easiest explanation, no matter how ignorant it is. As a corollary to that idea, I am learning that a great deal of what people call racism is steeped in ignorance. Simply put, they don't realize how callous and stupid they sound.

I'm very cognizant of how what I say can affect whoever I am addressing. It doesn't mean I care how it affects them, but at least I know that it does. It certainly is a skill that people must cultivate and most people never do so. And it shows. And it's incredibly aggravating, but I've learned to bite my tongue.

But what I dislike about this place more than all of the above is that it's not the Bay Area. It's not where all the people I know are. It's not my home and it never will be. I'm not sure where home will one day be.