I've been sitting on this post for two months since I first saw the quote back in October. One more scribble to cross off.
Shouldn't love always be conditional? As in romantic love where you pick the person, not the familial love you might have for parents or siblings. The potentially much more nebulous bond you form with someone who was once a total stranger. That sort of love.
The condition for that love is mutual respect. How could you love someone who (whom?) you do not respect? How could you look at him or her as an equal human being without respecting him or her for who he or she is? (Now I see why it's now sort of acceptable to use them even when referencing the singular him or her.) Likewise, if they change and cease to respect you, how can you continue to give your love? It starts with respect, even if not explicitly stated, for one another as human beings. Respect must come before love and it must stay throughout love. Maintaining it is the hard part.
Or is it totally different? Such a controlled and carefully metered out sense of love surely kills the romantic in most people. It spurns the idea of romantic love as an irrational, exuberant emotion filled with the passions of youth and the unending happiness it provides young lovers. Can we actually control love and make it a fully rational choice? I like, though do not necessarily agree, with something I found on Kevin's blog. He quoted Steven Pinker's How the Mind Works:
How can you be sure that a prospective partner won't leave the minute it is rational to do so - say, when a 10-out-of-10 movies in next door? One answer is, don't accept a partner who wanted you for rational reasons to begin with; look for a partner who is committed to staying with you because you are you. Committed by what? Committed by an emotion. An emotion that the person did not decide to have, and so cannot decide not to have. An emotion that was not triggered by your objective mate-value and so will not be alienated by someone with greater mate-value. An emotion that is guaranteed not to be a sham because it has physiological costs like tachycardia, insomnia, and anorexia. An emotion like romantic love.
3 comments:
You are essentially correct in that respect must go with love or love will quickly be smashed upon the rocks as passionate emotions fade. However, "conditional" is not a word I would use. Instead, I would say that love requires respect.
i use the word conditional as a direct contrast from the idea and phrase of unconditional love.
What make you think anonymous is a "Lady"?
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