a certain malaise

Now I remember what I meant to write about when I first got back from the Bay Area. It's how it was nice to see people (alas, not everyone, never enough time) and see that people have largely figured out what to do with themselves, at least for the next couple of years. No one (I associated with in the past) has become a pimp or a drug dealer or addict or anything terrible like that.

In all fairness, my friends from high school and I were never exactly high risk youth. By in large, we were not exposed to the risk factors that go hand in hand with being socio-economically disadvantaged. If anything, the real hindrance for some of us to live a productive, contributing life was being too privileged. There's a certain malaise that sets in for people who are never given a challenge and never find one for themselves.

I've spent a lot of time since shortly after I started college wondering in various forms whether I have that problem. It started then and continued through college because I was never quite sure if it was supposed to be so relatively easy. I don't mean to slight the hard work that people put into earning a college degree and I'm not saying that I didn't work hard, but it never seemed hard. I think that's a good sign. Thus, as to whether or not I suffer from a privileged malaise, the short answer is no. The slightly longer answer is not really, but there's always that fundamental issue of drive and purpose that need to be defined. I'm working on those.