balance III

Again, let's step back two and three days ago and revisit the balance matter. I'm not just out of balance because I spend a lot of time at work. And I don't just spend a lot of time at work because other people aren't up to par. It would be disingenuous to attribute balance issues to work when the issue is one of choice. I choose to spend time at work as a way to not spend time elsewhere. Meaning, I avoid having a life outside of work by not leaving time for a life outside of work.

As socially comfortable as I have become at work, in many ways I am still the same shy person of my grade school years. Basically, I generally do not enjoy meeting new people. No, scratch that. I meet new people just fine. There are new people at work almost every week and I have no trouble introducing myself to them and engaging in meaningless small talk. However, that is a work environment where the topics of conversation, at least initially, are severely limited to an almost scripted nature. Aside from work, all the clubs I threw myself into in college were, despite their engineering basis, predominantly social in nature. I met people all the time in those and as both a more senior member and a peer and found plenty of ways to engage people.

Perhaps what I am avoiding is gathering more casual acquaintances. The easiest way to avoid those is to not acquaint myself with people in the first place. The problem I have with casual acquaintances is that they are so horribly awkward. There's minimal established rapport and no set routine so every encounter is like meeting for the second time all over again. It's like two guys who haven't seen each other in a while. Should they shake hands, do a quick hand clasp, engage in some complicated handshake maneuvers, or awkwardly hug each other but make sure they don't press cheeks or bodies together. I can engage in all the appropriate small talk with casual acquaintances, but I generally find it pointless. I understand the need for social niceties, but wouldn't it be better to not idly chit chat at all. If people are going to meet they might as well get meaningful questions answered, ask for advice, or engage in challenging and stimulating conversation. Pragmatism is underappreciated.

Of course more meaningful relationships begin as casual acquaintanceships. Meaningful relationships almost always require some level of underlying connection that cannot simply be developed from scratch. A common background, interest, experience, etc usually lies at the heart of deeper friendships. By and large, I don't share those things with Farmington and I don't find it necessary to seek out the handful of people I might have something in common with.

I'm a good lone wolf. Like I've said before, I can socialize and mingle properly enough and work well in groups, but left to my own devices I get along just fine and get my work done.