responsibility

This vacation is as good a time as any to catch up and get back into the blogging groove.

Continuing from two days ago, I mentioned that I have been taking on a lot of responsibility at work. I'm not trying to carry the world, but simply take up some of the slack. Obviously, or perhaps not, there is no explicit list of my work responsibilities on a piece of paper of anywhere and anything not on the list is totally beyond the realm of even thinking about doing. It's mostly a situation of no one telling me to do certain things (though people probably would for some of it) but merely identifying tasks that need be done to improve the quality of operations. Like I said two days ago, whatever is necessary to help out.

If taking on responsibility is putting so much strain on me, then why do it? Is it the intense hatred (or perhaps fear) of failing? The idea that some lack of effort, insight, or properly timed comic wit could lead to a poorly done job does bother me. However, after giving this some thought (but not too much since this is a blog mind you), I much more strongly feel the sense of success and getting a job done right than the depth to which I would fear any failure. Sure, there have been times in school and work where deadlines resulted in some garbled mishmash of crap because something is better than nothing. In the end, the sense of winning is a much stronger motivator than the fear of losing.

Success for successes sake is nice and all, but the motivation runs a bit deeper than that. Most people want to play/work for winners. I certainly do. Being with a winner validates a very big decision: the decision to work there in the first place. It means you chose right And if working till I feel like I'm going to snap helps make us a winner then that will be what I do.