denver redemption

I leave for Houston in a couple of days. They sent out an e-mail yesterday that due to Hurricane Dean, the upcoming week's events may be canceled. As of now the event is still on and any cancellation will involve both an e-mail and a phone call. However, as the week has progressed, the storm has tracked further and further south making a Houston landfall unlikely. Alas, I cannot predict the weather.

I never really explained much about my last trip to Denver. In essence, it was like my previous trip, but successful. (See a string of posts in May about my previous trip there.) Not to be too dramatic, but it was redemptive. I suppose officially (or so it is alleged) that my job was on the line, but honestly, that wasn't a pressing concern. While the format changed somewhat this time around, I knew almost exactly what would happen, what I would be asked, how I needed to present, and most importantly, how I needed to carry myself and come across. (The format change is that this control process is now being done strictly at the Denver level. Houston is now just a final presentation, but otherwise a formality and a chance to meet managers and personnel people.) I'm not going to say that I nailed it in Denver, but I did very well and the apparent sea change in my attitude was noted more than once. Of course, I maintain that my actual attitude was never the problem, but that it was my perceived attitude that was part of my downfall last time.

More than anything, this was about keeping my promise to me. When I started working here, this point is where I said I would get to no matter what. It didn't matter how hard or miserable it was or how badly I wanted to punch multiple people at work or any of the general crap I don't care for. I was going to see this through and reach this level. I needed this for my own sake. I needed to know that I could finish what I started. In my own mind, I have quit so many things in life out. This was not going to be one of those things. I knew this would be hard from the beginning. And it has been. This has been personally challenging in ways I never experienced before. Intellectually speaking, not so challenging, but that's not what I came for. (I'm really not certain what work environment I would find intellectually challenging.) This is why I wasn't concerned that my job was allegedly on the line. Right now, fulfilling my promise and achieving this for my sake are much more important to me than whether or not my managers think I belong here. That may change in the future, but now I know that I really do have the will to grind it out when necessary.