tuesdays in turkmenistan: wither JLo

Turkmenistan made it into the U.S. news cycle! Albeit, only because it involved prominent popular culture figure, Jennifer Lopez, often known as JLo (or less desirably as Jenny from the Block).

As has been reported in many articles, JLo performed a concert at a hotel resort area known as Avaza which is near the city of Turkmenbasy (which is about a three hour drive north-northwest of Balkanabat). Of course, with the reputation Turkmenistan, JLo was roundly criticized for the performance, which some claim she was paid upwards of $1.5 million for.

Is the apparent outrage with her performance justified? Can she (or her management team) claim to have not realized the nature of the performance, what the country is like, and that the President would be there? Going back to that first question, I'm not sure I really care about the outrage or whether people should be upset. Partly because I also work here, thus lending credibility/support to the regime and partly because this is how capitalism works. You pay someone for a service or product and they provide said items. Is it blood money or something terrible? Well, probably, sort of, indirectly yes. The advantage for me is that I am but one tiny blip in the NSA's PRISM net and I do not work in an industry where public sentiment of me, as in my individual self, matters. JLo's professional well-being relies on her being popular and inoffensive enough to avoid any public outcry.

Now going back to that second question (or really set of questions) from the previous paragraph. Should JLo and her team have known better? I think so, but I am also far more familiar with the affairs of Turkmenistan than the average person, though that does not take much. Part of it will depend on just who they interacted with to organize the event. Was it with CNPC as most articles state? If that's the case, then they should have done some basic research into what CNPC does (oil and gas), where they are from (China), who owns them (Chinese government), and what specifically CNPC was doing organizing a party in Avaza. Perhaps not known to Team JLo, but CNPC operates on the other side of the country. But Avaza is the crown jewel of Turkmenistan vacation spots, or at least that's what the billions the Turkmen government puts into the project want it to be, so perhaps it's just a good place to have a party. What is generally well-known within Turkmenistan is that the President loves to have his picture taken. After all, he's on the front page (above the fold!) of the national paper every single day. He also likes to be at major events, in this case, the grand opening of recently-completed parts of Avaza. To everyone in Turkmenistan, it is totally logical and expected the President would be at such an event. To people on the outside, especially Americans, it seems odd, arguably unexpected. After all, U.S. Presidents do not show up to the grand openings of every major construction project. However, the comparison is best made to a state or large city, something with a population similar to Turkmenistan's roughly 5 million. Would the mayor or governor appear at such an event? Sure, there is a decent chance for an appearance. And is getting JLo to perform for the President effectively a subtle bribe by CNPC? Well, it's not even subtle, though not as blatant as gifting him a yacht or whoever bought him this Bugatti. JLo's presence both strokes his ego and gives him more legitimacy, as if to say, "See, big American stars sing Happy Birthday to me so I can't be a bad guy."

Quite interestingly is the reaction from people here who are reading about this. Understandably, many people, especially the younger women, were excited that JLo, as an internationally known entertainer, came to their country. This is a big deal to them as it somehow validates the importance of the country along with the validation it provides to the President. What locals here seem more surprised by is the characterization of their country as an oppressive dictatorship with in-name-only democracy and a poor human rights record. They find this so surprising because it is simply not true for much if the nation. Well, the in-name-only democracy part is true for everyone. After all, after the previous President died, the current one became interim President through the magic of having the person who was supposed to be the interim President arrested along with many others. Then, he changed the constitution to allow himself to run in the next election since the previous constitution forbade interim President's from becoming elected. And Bob's your uncle. Anyway, people here were surprised because conditions here are improving. In the immediate aftermath of the dissolution of the Soviet Union, the Central Asian countries in particular badly struggled. So far from everything, very poor, and often reliant on Russia for contact with the West. The country struggled for several years, but has slowly been gathering wealth from its natural resources. Of course the wealth is not evenly distributed, but most people are seeing basic needs (ie: housing, food, gas) provided so they are happy enough and certainly see the improvement in very real and important terms. Even if the political leadership siphons the vast majority of the money away and corruption is rampant, conditions today are still much improved from what they were 10-15 years ago.

As for JLo and her supposed moral dilemma. She can donate her concert fee to charity, take the write-off, reap the positive press benefits and move on. Or she can wait it out and Americans will find something else to care about for 15 minutes.

tuesdays in turkmenistan: karaoke

Wherein terrible singing is somehow universal. We had a karaoke night last Friday and apparently another one is scheduled for this coming Friday. Singing (often badly) is apparently universally popular. As for my own efforts, I was impressed by how much better (read: louder) I was after about two beers.

tuesdays in turkmenistan: mario kart

That's right, Mario Kart. Harkening back to memories from days of yore playing Mario Kart 64, we have been playing the more recent incarnation of the game for the Wii, aptly and very originally titled Mario Kart Wii. The originality blows me away. As I noted before, one of the items I lugged here from the States was a Nintendo Wii along with a handful of games and I was judicious enough to get extra controllers beyond the lone one that came with the console. Now we can kart about with 4 players throwing shells, dropping banana peels, and generally acting like the overgrown children that camp life almost demands we regress towards.

It helps to have a handful of other youngish and single engineers in the camp. Apparently, most of the ones with wives and children do something silly like call home in the evenings. I will confess to playing the single-player mode, but that's only to unlock additional levels. I swear that I do not have a gaming addiction. Frankly, I don't have time to have a gaming addiction. Work is super busy right now, but all work and no play makes a man something something. Go crazy? Don't mind if I do.

The video games are really a symptom of something else. Much like the nostalgic 80s and early 90s movie nights, living in the camp leads to this peculiar regression. I lived on my own, alone, for more than six years. Four of those years were in the U.S. with all the usual trappings of paying rent, dealing with utilities, obtaining food, laundry, etc. Life maintenance tasks. And while I obviously got by, no one would ever accuse me of living a well-cultured life. Two-plus years abroad prior to here still required a reasonable level of looking after oneself. However, here in the camp, well, hmmmm. Frankly, we're spoiled. Food is prepared, dishes are done, rooms are cleaned (though mine is so empty, there is nothing to clean), sheets are changed, laundry is done. Of course, this is all to encourage and free up time to work as much as possible. You cannot work at all hours of the day if you are busy trying to get ingredients to test out that latest recipe you found.

Regardless, or irregardless, work cannot become all-consuming. There is a point, and it can be reached very quickly, where the brain simply cannot process meaningful work anymore and there's only one thing you can do. Let's race!

a now empty suitcase

I brought a lot of stuff back to Turkmenistan. Those boxes and boxes in my room? It all fit in my bag somehow. This is mostly a function of the gross inefficiency of Amazon shipping combined with the magic of digitizing media onto increasingly small-sized, but large capacity hard drives.

For a single suitcase, I went right to the weight limit. Admittedly, it's somewhat esoteric if I exceed the weight limit on Lufthansa flights since I have status with them through Star Alliance. However, there is a limit on the local flight here and it is lower at 21 kg and that's the magic number I want to stay under. I'll admit that it is a trivial overweight bag fee here, but the method of payment of said bag fee is very annoying and slow and not worth the hassle so I aim to stay under the limit. Why they make me exit and then pay outside, then pass through security again is best explained as some "because Turkmenistan" logic.

All told, roughly half the bag's weight and volume were allocated to the Nintendo Wii I brought for the camp. The console itself was in my carry-on, but a Wii isn't just a Wii, right. You have the power adapter, cable, senor bar, manuals, and the controller which games with the console. But what are you going to do with just one controller and the one game that came with? So in went three additional controllers, battery charging station, plug adapters, and five more games. And all of it arrived intact to Balkanabat! Glorious. Of course, and I did not realize it until I arrived, the default power adapter for Wiis in the US is only for 110V. Almost all power bricks like the one for my laptop and even my mobile phone, can accept 110-220V (or sometimes 240V). I didn't even realize it was an issue until we were about to plug it in, but a borrowed voltage converter has smoothed it out. The remaining space in my bag was mostly additional items like coffee mugs, books, perfume, and electronics bric-a-brac that people had also had me order. My clothes made for excellent space filling and padding.

I am always amused by the inconsistencies in airport security procedures around the world. This isn't just about the peculiar nature of Ashgabat airport security. It is pretty much standard procedure to remove your laptop from your carry-on bag (or have one of those zip-down compartments that is security friendly). However, most everything else in the U.S. stays in the bag. There are some mixed messages about tablet computers, but being the stubborn person I am, I only remove my laptop. In SFO, there were no issues. In Frankfurt, my carry-on must have looked absurd. Even with the laptop out, they flagged it for additional screening. And then out came the Wii console and three Kindles (none of which were my own) that all received a second trip through the X-ray machine. In addition to those items, I had the usual power adapter, ethernet cable, lock, bag of flash drives, external hard drive, NC headphones, and other items obfuscating any clear view of my bag. Should I believe that Frankfurt was showing extra caution by running further screening on the Wii and Kindles? Or are the agents at SFO so good, they were able to make out every single item in my bag with an extremely high level of confidence?

family day!

Two Saturdays ago (the one nine days ago), we had a Family Day at the base. I mentioned its existence about a week ago in another entry. This past Saturday (as in the one two days ago) was the Family Day for the people in the Ashgabat office. As luck would have it, I was in Ashgabat (and I am still there). I have been here since Thursday for various secret CIA meetings and go back to the main camp/base/office tomorrow. However, the prospect of spending a forced day of socializing with people I don't really know after being bussed 40 km outside of town did not seem enjoyable. Thus, I stayed in the office and enjoyed the peace and quiet of getting stuff done. Now, what brought me to the big city were meetings and an exhibition. For the meetings, it's been a solid success. This includes a night of unusually heavy drinking on Friday with some potential clients. I never knew Chinese business people drank so much. It is quite at odds with many Asian friends who are "cheap dates" in the sense that only a couple drinks will do them in. Many toasts were made. Most of them were not understood, but that did not seem to matter. It is evenings like that where I am glad I do not suffer from "cheap date" syndrome and that I'm a big enough person to hold it all together rather well. Also, my capacity for extreme introspection becomes quite active after a few drinks as I constantly try to examine my behavior to ensure I have not made any treasonous statements or committed any seditious acts. Best I can tell, I just talk a lot during such moments but manage to say nothing at all. It is a skill I have been carefully cultivating throughout my many mealtime ramblings that I mentioned last week. That entry was quite the whopper. I wonder if I will ever finish it. Perhaps tomorrow? Probably not.

The exhibition side of my visit sort of fell through owing to some rather pathetic miscommunication internally. That's really too bad, because it looked like it would be interesting since it was an exhibition of businesses organized by the U.S. embassy. We did have a booth on Thursday and Friday and I was supposed to be the booth babe on Saturday. Well, by booth babe, I mean congenial fellow who would chat up the company and the services we offer to anyone passing by our booth. However, due to the aforementioned Family Day, the decision was made to rig it all down on Friday evening and not attend Saturday. Now, this decision was made but not communicated to myself nor my manager so I arrived into town thinking my suit would do more than hang in the closet. It seems I have been wrong. At least it still looks like a sharp suit.

It is at this point that I have realized I have picked a strange title for this post. While I can change it to something more relevant like "ramblings: part 2" I think the mismatched title is more fitting.

kindle, soon

I’m really interested in Amazon’s new Kindle Fire. This is why I will probably get a Kindle e-reader instead. Nothing against the Fire, but like any first generation product, it seems to need a few refinements that would go a long way to improving the product. I am not sure when the second generation Fire will be released, possibly as late as this time next year, but I’m fine with that sort of timeline. After all, this doesn’t even come close to falling into the “need” category. That additional time will give Amazon time to fill in the app store (which is a generic term despite what Apple’s patent troll lawyers would have you believe), improve battery life, optimize the interface and performance, and either add an external memory card slot (unlikely) or increase the internal memory (more likely). As a user who would be away from meaningful bandwidth for long periods of time, I want the ability to load up a lot of content to consume at a later time. Also, they should even out the wider bezel on the fourth side which would drive me crazy. From the reviews I’ve seen, the Fire does most things ‘OK’, but not so incredibly well that it dominates the competition. Of course, at a $200 price point, there will be design compromises.

Instead of the Fire, a regular Kindle e-reader will be the first step in achieving two simple things. First, reading more. As a portable e-book, a Kindle will travel well and be far lighter and easier than lugging around actual books when I travel. I have one book here with me. It’s a long, dense tome that I can finish by the end of this rotation. Once I am done, I will bring it back Stateside and probably never bring another book here. Everything will go electronic after that. Second, it’s a step into Amazon’s world. A trial run in some ways before getting a Kindle Fire or Amazon Prime or generally giving Amazon the benefit of the full halo effect from my consumer purchases. This is where Apple failed me. While my brother went from iPod to MacBook to Time Capsule to MacBook Pro to iPad to iPhone, I went the other direction. I went from iPod to MacBook to screw this. I went back to Windows with my last laptop purchase and it suits my needs much better than the Apple-verse ever could. Are my Windows PC, Zune media player, and Android phone fragmented? Of course, but there are distinct advantages to that. Even with a possible entry into Amazon's deep realm of offerings, I will still maintain my silos.

At this point, the only real decision I am mulling is which Kindle e-reader to get. The third generation that has been re-branded as Kindle Keyboard? The low-cost, Wi-Fi only Kindle fourth generation? The new Kindle Touch with 3G? The price point is thankfully esoteric. The question is one of interface and usefulness for me. Amazon, soon.

breaking bad and meth

Breaking Bad is another one of the programs that airs on the crime channel that we get here. Compared to my overtly negative feelings for The Sopranos, I have a much more positive disposition to Breaking Bad. I rarely expect television to be realistic and Breaking Bad is hardly the most plausible program out there. Early on, it was tangentially related to science enough to be interesting to me. Now, it has really captured the desperation and fear that drive the decisions that the protagonist makes.

I am also intrigued by the show for two other reasons. The first is the awful Pontiac Aztek, arguably the ugliest mass-produced car in recent history, driven by the main character. I think it's fantastic as a vehicle for him because it's nearly universal ugliness and appearance of being down-trodden so thoroughly reflected our lead in the beginning of the show. He has grown, but the car has stayed the same, partly because it is necessary for him to maintain a certain appearance. And while I love how ugly the car is and how terrible its commercials were back in the day, it is evidently a decent automobile in the eyes of some.

The second reason is far less hilarious. One of the central themes of the show is the production and sale of crystal meth. It is therefore very suitable for the show to be set in New Mexico, a place I lived for three years. When I first moved there is when I really first become aware of what meth was and what it did to people. There was various drug-awareness training at work, but the most compelling thing was a big billboard at the edge of town showing a picture of someone with meth mouth. (Note: not a pleasant picture, but far tamer than what was on the billboard.) Compared to most other states, use of meth in New Mexico is very prevalent. And its use in the oilfield is also distressingly common in the western states. Farmington is hardly ground zero for crystal meth, but in hindsight, it is now very clear that one guy in particular at work was using. Some days he was fantastic at work. Other days, he barely went through the motions and was prone to very unusually timed stretches of fatigue. I never really keyed into it at the time since a lot of people were a little 'off' compared to what I had grown up with, but I later learned he had all sorts of problems and meth was one of them. If you must know, he eventually got fired.

sopranos - dreck

We get a few channels through the satellite here and one of them is the Fox Crime channel and one of the programs shown on that channel is The Sopranos. I understand that it was a commercial and critical success and ground-breaking for its time, but frankly, I think it is awful.

Is it because its time was ten years ago and it now feels dated and the content is not as groundbreaking? No, I think not. There are elements that are obviously dated and perhaps it is not as edgy when compared to modern premium cable fare, but I have no real qualms with the style and cinematography. When I was watching The Wire earlier this year, another critical success from roughly the same era, it also felt contemporary enough despite obviously dated surveillance methods. The Sopranos must suffer from a different issue.

Is it my bias against that overwrought, stereotypical accent? Like many U.S. regional accents, it causes my blue-blooded self to look down on all who speak it with the disdain only someone with Gold Medallion flyer status can be allowed to possess. Or not. In reality, I suppose the accents are somewhat believable and are apparently authentic. I do have a cognitive bias against that Jersey accent, but after a couple episodes, I was able to look past it and now it's just present instead of pushing itself to the forefront of my attention.

Is the problem with the characters themselves? I think this is much more likely. Dramatic television is built around compelling characters that you care about. If you care about the character and what might happen to him/her, then you will keep watching to find out if their atypical and fictional-television worthy life keeps moving along. A simple enough concept that is of course difficult to successfully execute. In The Sopranos, I just cannot muster up any feeling of caring about the characters. They all strike me as interminable whiners. My first thought after a scene between Tony Soprano and his psychiatrist (who I hope meets an untimely demise in the show's storyline) is that Tony reminds me of Holden Caulfield. I haven't even read The Catcher in the Rye since high school and could barely tell you much about the plot or themes of the novel, but listening to Tony talk to his psychiatrist instantly reminded me of Holden and his complaints about all the "phony" people. Tony Soprano is Holden Caulfield? That is a question for a college student in desperate need for a mid-semester paper to explore, but it captures the core of my problem with the show.

Perhaps the entire program was successful, not only for its authenticity and groundbreaking-ness, but also because it featured a cast of whiners that audience members could instantly relate with. Shows are often at least partly successful during their respective eras by embracing some reasonably popular sentiment of said era. (It has to be popular enough for the show to keep enough viewers to justify keeping the show on the air.) In this case, the sentiment was whining. The Sopranos gave my generation and the one before mine a dramatic show full of people like ourselves! And knowing that the show was as popular as it was only makes that more aggravating since I know lots of people thought this was good and relate-able.

I'm not sure when it happened, or perhaps it happens to many people around my age, but there's a sense that people have become worse. Just generally worse at everything. Did we undergo a cultural shift in the late 90s and early 2000s that allowed for The Sopranos to be embraced by so many? A shift towards the "not my fault" culture? This is my biggest problem with the show and watching Tony Soprano prattle on to his psychiatrist, because it mirrors where I feel like we as a country have stumbled so badly. In reality, the country is not as bad off as I probably think it is, but it will not get better if "not my fault" grows larger.

zune

I am not sure why my Zune interest has not gone away, but I am still thinking about getting one. And a new laptop that would not be a MacBook of any type. It would at least be unique, right?

the wire - completed

I have finished watching The Wire. It is a shame that it only aired for five seasons, but considering that it almost didn't get past the first season, I'll savor what was made that much more. In a way, The Wire is about an American city, specifically Baltimore and the different systems that make up that city. As a summary, that may be vaguely adequate, but as a description of the excellence in programming that is The Wire, it is wholly inadequate.

The Wire really is the greatest television show ever made. Perhaps I should qualify that and call it the most realistic fictional show ever made and frankly, it's more realistic than much of the so-called "reality TV" genre as well. Season 5 started to jump the shark a bit with the device that was used to motivate much of the season, but I'll cut the producers some slack. For the most part, the show did not cop-out and deliver overly happy endings and resolutions to the characters. It simply concluded, but didn't presume to answer all questions riased and most definitely did not resolve all stories. Nor could it since it went so much for realism and real life does not end with a snappy one liner before the commercial break. Real life just is, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes nothing in particular.

Now, it is time to watch all the episodes that have audio commentary. Then, I plan to watch them with French audio and English subtitles.

the wire - halfway through

I bought the complete series for The Wire on DVD. It was one of the few physical possessions that I obtained in the U.S. for myself that made the trek back to Gabon. (Contrast to Season 3 of Burn Notice which I ripped to my personal laptop and left the DVDs behind in the States.) Prior to this purchase, I had seen Season 1 and agreed with those who had recommended it that it is one of the best television shows ever made. It has a slow-cooked feel as it gradually unfolds, moving the story forward inch by inch, layering in the detail and keeping so many characters involved. It's almost designed to be a mini-series, at least Season 1 is, and perhaps subsequent seasons can be viewed as mini-series sequels. And yet it unfolds and takes you in one episode at a time like chapters of a novel. It's the type of television that can only exist on cable, and perhaps only on HBO where entire shows and seasons can be mapped and filmed prior to airing.

I am only about halfway through season 3, so it is also the halfway mark of the series as a whole. I have decided to stop listening to the commentary tracks from already-viewed episodes as it seems they are dropping in more spoilers than I care for, which is understandable, though they are series-level spoilers, not simply episode- or season-level spoilers. I'd like to savor each episode and season and eventually the series as a whole for for its craftsmanship, but I also want to burn through the entire series as quickly as possible to find out what happens. There will be subsequent viewings, then commentary tracks, then a half-assed plan to listen to French audio with English sub-titles. (Hey, whatever gets me to learn.)

In a sense, this is a cop show, as they play a central role in Season 1, and are still hold a plurality of screen time in subsequent seasons. However, the show in the eyes of the creator is about the American city, specifically Baltimore, but really any city and its machinations will do as each season of The Wire focuses on a different facet of city life (or so Wikipedia tells me since I haven't seen any of Seasons 4 and 5). The police serve as an excellent central figure since they are involved with investigating the seedy under-belly of each facet of the city seen in each season. The characters feel as real as can be, with their various wants and desires along with their flaws. There may be protagonists and antagonists in this show, but there are certainly no white knights or heroes. The quality of the acting is also superb, perhaps aided by the casting of non-big name actors, which lends them the anonymity needed to convince the audience they are the character and not merely an actor playing a character. The actor portraying the character Bubbles, the crack-addicted CI, is so into this role that he looks like he developed a crack habit for the role.

This is quality television consolidated into it's truest form, a 13.3" laptop screen. This will be fun.

Five-O

I have been watching both The Wire and The Shield, two ostensibly cop-based shows, though the producers of The Wire would rather you perceive it as a show about the American city. This is neither here nor there and we can debate the merits of each show later. The only similarity I care to discuss now is "Five-O". This is what criminals, typically drug dealers, in both shows call out when the police are coming. Curious about the etymology of the phrase, I sought out the googles for answers.

It seems the answers are unclear. Some seem to think it is a reference to the 5.0 badge on police model Crown Victorias that first appeared int he early 1980s while others favor a link to the old television show Hawaii Five-O which aired from 1968 to 1980. For the non-existent segment of my reading population who are elderly crack dealers, what say ye? TV show or Crown Vic?

north power station?

Warning: this post is incredibly esoteric. With that stated, I was just skipping around some movies on my laptop and was taking another gander at selected scenes from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Near the end, when they are trying to destroy the Death Star, Lando Calrissian says to Wedige Antilles, "go for the power regulator on the north tower." Wait a second. North? They are in the center of the Death Star. There is no north. Or south or east or west. It's the middle of a miniature planetoid. How does that have any meaning to them unless they have already assigned a reference system to the Death Star? I demand answers!

ronin christmas

One of my favorite movies, perhaps because it leaves itself with an element of mystery in the end, is Ronin. Plus, it has excellent car-chase sequences that feature not only superbly great driving and power sliding but also no ridiculous car explosions.

There is a great sentiment expressed in a line (or two lines if you will) between two of the primary characters:
Vincent (Jean Reno): What do you want for Christmas?
Sam (Robert De Niro): My two front teeth.

Sounds about right.

that song i kept hearing

I can't believe how long it took my to find out what this song was called. I heard it so often in Hungary at clubs and even in Congo and here in Gabon but never knew this name until about a week ago. While hardly a priority matter, it gnawed at me and now I can sleep in slightly more peace. Stereo Love by Edward Maya, I have you now!

cinematic train wreck

Well, I just watched a Steven Seagal movie (as nothing he makes should ever be called a film), that was of course bad. However, there was no ordinary bad. This was slow-motion train wreck, epic disaster, terribly bad to such a level that I had an obligation to watch, to carry this torch of warning for all others to never dare watch Out for a Kill, which is itself a ridiculously ludicrous name for this thing. I think the 'best' User Review nicely summarizes the movie's, um, qualities quite succinctly.

Edit: Yes, watch total dreck on the telly is what I do on Saturday nights. It's a very exciting town.

quick movie comments

I saw Fast & Furious on French television a week or so ago. For those not in the know, it's the fourth and presumably final (but possibly penultimate!) movie in the Fast/Furious series. In French, it seemed non-sensical and generally ridiculous. A couple days later, I caught the second half of the movie in English. It was still non-sensical and ridiculous. If anything, comprehending the dialogue only served to increase the ridiculousness.

I also caught Alpha Dog earlier in the week. Decently acceptable fare. As much as I wanted it to end positively, I sort of knew it could only end one way since it's based on true events.

episodic television - comedies

Sitcoms are usually not boring. They usually just suck in a painfully unfunny way. A lot. Most are derivative and play off overly rehashed plot points and jokes based on the same cliched stereotypes that are actually quite offensive if you really drill down and think about what they tend to suggest. And laugh tracks do not help the situation. There have been some exceptions like Arrested Development but such shows often have a short shelf life because they are too clever for most people to truly appreciate which is a further sad commentary on the state of the quality of television.

episodic television - dramas

Most dramatic episodic television is boring. Or at least it becomes boring with enough episodes. Most dramas follow an incredibly formulaic plot. I think Law & Order is a great example. The first half of the show is with the cops, then the second half is with the lawyers. Yeah yeah, sometimes they go back to the cops for more evidence before finishing with the law-talking guys, but the recipe is still the same. Cops then lawyers. Even the spin-offs with Special Victims Unit and Criminal Intent are quite formulaic. All the CSI varieties suffer dearly from this same problem and I'm not just talking about Horatio's sunglasses fetish. Crime happens, look for evidence, analyze evidence, arrest one to three wrong suspects, find more evidence, let crime scene investigators do interrogations (wtf?), analyze more evidence, make a breakthrough, catch bad guy, episode ends, assume shaky forensic work holds up in court. Enhance it!

The other problem with the CSI universe is the social impact that has led to the CSI effect. (I cannot call it a cultural impact, because that would imply the show has any sort of real culture.) Perhaps this line from Superbad sums it up best:

When I first joined the force I assumed there was semen on everything. I thought there was a semen database that had every bad guy's semen in it. There isn't. That doesn't exist. It'd be nice. Like the crime scene today. If the man had ejaculated and then hit you in the face we would have a real good shot at catching him.

Edit: I realize that I used a rather ridiculous quote, but it was a pretty ridiculous movie. The point, of course, is that we are not constantly shedding the large quantities of skin, hair, or fluids all over everything all the time like they frequently depict in CSI.

Reasonably quality shows like House M.D. are predictable in their own right: Patient is sick, the team struggles to diagnose without more symptoms, House is a jerk and mocks their terrible theories, they try treatment anyway, more symptoms occur, they try other treatment(s), patient nearly dies, House is a jerk again, they stabilize patient, running out of time, someone (usually Wilson) says something random that gives House the answer, House cures patient, House is still a jerk. Don't get me wrong, I still like the show, but the arc of any individual episode is predictable. The hook of most good shows is the overall story lines and character development. That's why I liked the short-lived Life and the still-airing Burn Notice. The similarity of these three previously-mentioned shows is that still do retain a reasonable amount of serial-ness to them and almost every episode can stand alone if necessary. Each week, House has to cure the patient, Life has to catch the crook (it's a cop show), and Burn Notice needs to help fix someone's problem.

Hmm, the structure of that last sentence reminds me of a line from The Simpsons:
Homer: I think the government has better things to do than to read my mail.
(cut to agents reading letters from a bag called 'Simpson Mail')
FBI Agent: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies. "Dear Die Hard. You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?"

The value in the standalone format is that it makes the shows make easier to syndicate later in their life cycles. Syndication is a big deal for producers and distributors. It gives shows additional lives and a long revenue tail. This is why shows like Lost and 24 or so hard to get made. For all the critical success and pretty strong commercial success those shows have had, their non-traditional formats will make future syndication more difficult than a typical show. 24 may be too serial (especially its first couple seasons) and Lost is probably not serial enough. It's also why a casual viewer like myself cannot get into shows like that. Who has time to watch a show every single week? I suppose people with boring jobs. Oh, you say to get a DVR? Not worth the value to me, though it may have something to do with not owning a television. Get a television? Never!