arrogance

Eye contact aside, Denver was illuminating for other reasons. One of the other things (aside from making more eye contact) that I was told during my Denver postmortem was that they felt my behavior was arrogant. Not entirely so, but certain things I did (and of course a lack of eye contact that evidently made me seem bored at times) contributed to some thinking I was a bit arrogant. When I heard that, I was genuinely surprised.

In hindsight, and given their explanations, I can see how they gathered that impression. The short response is that they badly misinterpreted several different things. That is not to say that it was not my fault that they misinterpreted several different things. A lot of this goes back to eye contact, or lack thereof, which is very noticeable and something most people cue heavily off of. Obviously, there were other behaviors and acts cited that added to the appearance of arrogance. I am fairly certain that if I engaged in a more typical level of eye contact, my other actions would have been interpreted very differently. Read: not arrogant.

Am I actually arrogant? Mostly no, but I have my moments. However, work is not where those moments come out. When it comes to my attitude at work, the basic driver is that everyone has something to teach me so there's always a need to listen and humble one's attitude. In the same vein, I probably have something that I can teach everyone. Of course, I say all sorts of facially arrogant things, but they are meant in jest and context is important. There was none of that in Denver because it was more formal and serious and I have discovered that sarcasm does not translate well. Any perceived arrogance in Denver was just that: perceived, not real.

The entire sequence has provided me with an invaluable learning experience. Ultimately, it is my image and my responsibility to manage that image. If others misinterpret my basic attitude, that may be their mistake, but it is my problem. Obviously, I get one first impression and that colors how people perceive me for a long time. My experience is that I make generally poor first impressions. Perhaps not poor, but much weaker than I am capable of. The only way to overcome weak impressions is to spend enough time with me either at work or socially and get to know my style and how I get things done. Unfortunately, sometimes there isn't time to get to know me, so all people get are their impressions.