Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Friday, May 30, 2014
saturdays in sakhalin: in search of balance
Another Saturday, another day in the office. Of course, my employment contract does stipulate working 6 days per week, so my presence in the office today is perfectly normal, even expected. The real issue is what happens tomorrow. Another Sunday, another day in the office? Probably yes. We have still not gotten the staffing situation to the level it really needs to be at and it wears on everyone else as a result. I have been in this situation before. In the short-term, people can power through and operate like this for a few months. In the long-run, this is not sustainable. Not just for me (though I really don't ever worry about myself in this sense), but rather for the people who work lateral and below me. I am a shepherd of of sorts, though no biblical analogies are intended. This is what managing is though: tending to your staff, developing them, making sure the work is getting done, offering support, and every so often you lose people, sometimes at their own volition and sometimes at your own volition. I know I can only push people so hard before something gives. I have often wondered how hard I can be pushed. Very hard is my answer from experience, but my most difficult assignments have also been relatively short. I can sustain the pace for roughly a year so that's what I know I can do, but a single year is not a long-term solution. However, I have come to (somewhat) jokingly say that there are never the right number of employees. Either we have too many people relative to activity and revenue and need to transfer people out or we have too few people. We never have "Goldilocks" staffing levels because something is always changing. Thus, the only balance is dynamic, like moving back and forth to keep a pendulum balanced above its pivot.
Friday, February 14, 2014
saturdays in sakhalin: sweet, sweet bandwidth
One of the (many) things that ground my gears in Turkmenistan was the distinct lack of available bandwidth. It seems strange to gripe about something which didn't exist in any meaningful way just a few years ago, but it is amazing how quickly you both adapt and take things for granted. I came of age into adulthood roughly with the rise of the internet. I started to purchase my own air travel tickets and have always purchased online. Never used a travel agency, never called an airline (except for one unusual set of ticket change circumstances, but the point still stands). In my universe, basically everything can be done online. Banking, shopping, paying bills, writing nonsensical letters to the editor, getting movie tickets, booking hotels, renting cars, etc. Not only can i do these things, but i can do them quickly.
Turkmenistan was a different story. Things were slow and pokey. Very slow, very pokey. And also annoyingly censored. Not well censored, but annoyingly so to the point where it was a mix of comical and incomprehensible.
Sakhalin does much better. Much of it seems to be courtesy of the HSCS, which is short for Hokkaido-Sakhalin Cable System (opens as .pdf). (Prior to this discovery, my knowledge of Hokkaido was solely from the episode of The Simpsons where Homer thinks he is Mr. Sparkle from a strange detergent box found at the city dump.) The telecom cable even makes an appearance in this handy-dandy map of submarine cables. Suffice to say, I can go back to my more decadent internet ways with plenty of bandwidth now.
Turkmenistan was a different story. Things were slow and pokey. Very slow, very pokey. And also annoyingly censored. Not well censored, but annoyingly so to the point where it was a mix of comical and incomprehensible.
Sakhalin does much better. Much of it seems to be courtesy of the HSCS, which is short for Hokkaido-Sakhalin Cable System (opens as .pdf). (Prior to this discovery, my knowledge of Hokkaido was solely from the episode of The Simpsons where Homer thinks he is Mr. Sparkle from a strange detergent box found at the city dump.) The telecom cable even makes an appearance in this handy-dandy map of submarine cables. Suffice to say, I can go back to my more decadent internet ways with plenty of bandwidth now.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
life maintenance
Life maintenance is a catch-all term I use for the day-to-day tasks required to simply make it through the day in a reasonably comfortable manner. This is most assuredly a first-world problem sort of term since what I consider to be life maintenance is what much of the world might view as survival. I'm talking about cooking, eating, hygiene chores (shower, shave, laundry, dishes, etc), grocery shopping, and those sorts of routine tasks you do on a regular basis that are important but not necessarily interesting. (Yes, if you're really into what you eat, then food is important, but if it is simply a means to an end for sustenance, then it becomes a maintenance task.) While I view many of these as a minor annoyance, I have no doubt that many people would be thrilled to have these sorts of tasks as easily as accessible as I have them. Even less frequent but still ostensibly routine things like seeing the doctor or dentist fall under the category of life maintenance. I would argue that very few people are eager to go to the dentist, but most would recognize the importance of going and why it is something worth putting up with.
Life maintenance feels like a waste of time while it most certainly is not a waste of time. If I don't eat and bathe, then I'm probably going to run into some problems. It's not that I don't understand why these things are important, it's that they feel inefficient, as if there ought to be some way to speed things up. And this is part of what I have tried by living relatively simply. I don't spend much time cooking (and thus have minimal dishes to wash) by having simple or small meals. Not owning a car certainly cuts many life (and auto) maintenance tasks from my to-do list. And it's not like I suck at these things either. While I am no master chef, I am certainly capable of looking after myself and am reasonably sure that I do so at an above-average level, though I guess the average depends on the pool of people being considered. Regardless, it's not like I have some deep inability to operate a vacuum or washing machine or shave competently. To borrow a quote from Office Space, "It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I don't care" and that best captures the essence of the problem. Well, assuming there's a problem. It's as if my approach is fundamentally wrong. All of these tasks have the potential to be fun and even challenging with the right outlook. And yet there are so many more interesting things to do.
Life maintenance feels like a waste of time while it most certainly is not a waste of time. If I don't eat and bathe, then I'm probably going to run into some problems. It's not that I don't understand why these things are important, it's that they feel inefficient, as if there ought to be some way to speed things up. And this is part of what I have tried by living relatively simply. I don't spend much time cooking (and thus have minimal dishes to wash) by having simple or small meals. Not owning a car certainly cuts many life (and auto) maintenance tasks from my to-do list. And it's not like I suck at these things either. While I am no master chef, I am certainly capable of looking after myself and am reasonably sure that I do so at an above-average level, though I guess the average depends on the pool of people being considered. Regardless, it's not like I have some deep inability to operate a vacuum or washing machine or shave competently. To borrow a quote from Office Space, "It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I don't care" and that best captures the essence of the problem. Well, assuming there's a problem. It's as if my approach is fundamentally wrong. All of these tasks have the potential to be fun and even challenging with the right outlook. And yet there are so many more interesting things to do.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
the daily routine
I have now been in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk for over a month now. Time to give a basic run down of what a normal day here is like. I get up, go to work, work, go home, sleep, and repeat. Exciting, isn't it?
Ok, I kid, I kid (sort of). The typical day is slightly more compelling, though I'm not sure what you expect. My first three weeks here were actually quite atypical because of both my arrival to the location and the holiday season. Being new always means a steep learning curve. While I'm still on the curve, it's not as steep as it was my first few weeks here. The holidays were interesting as well because January 1-8 was treated as a holiday for local staff (and so the office was basically gutted for an entire week and since that time period straddled a weekend, many people took a few extra days off at the beginning and end to take a full 16 days off from work (going from Saturday, December 28 to Sunday, January 12). Now things are more even, though we're in the midst of what I will obliquely call some lumpy staffing coverage owing to factors which regular readers (if any are left) will know I never provide details on. Suffice to say, this is the hand I inherited from my manager and predecessor and it's something that can be worked through.
The set-up here is quite good, at least in terms of convenience. I usually get up between 06:00-06:30 and stroll out the door by 06:50 to head toward the bus stop. My employer runs buses to the office/base facility since it is at the edge of town (and then some). On weekdays, the bus comes at 07:13 and I'm usually at my desk between 07:30-07:40 depending on the traffic (aka: depending on how much snow is on the ground). There is a later bus, but it arrives after 09:00 and is for shamefully late employees. Office work is office work, some people to meet, things to review, numbers to crunch, e-mails to ignore, etc. Lunch is provided in an on-site cafeteria. It's nothing fancy, but a nice warm meal does eliminate the need to put any time or thought into lunch plans. From a business perspective, it's really the only sensible thing to do. The base is several kilometers from shops and restaurants so on-site meals allow employees to spend more time at work and less time eating. Well, perhaps the same amount of time actually eating, but the one minute walk to the cafeteria is much shorter than the time it would take to go out to eat every day. At the end of the day, there are a few more bus options, leaving at five past the hour from 17:05 to 20:05. Want to stay later? Then you'll be taking a taxi home unless you have your own car.
About cars, I don't have one here. I could purchase one, but lack most of the reasons others have for doing so like family or living far away from the bus stops or a need for speed or desire to go off-roading or any of those sorts of things. A car would not simplify my life. It would moderately complicate my life. Sure, it would be convenient, but you know what's even more convenient? Not having to drive to work. I can sleep on the bus (or at least close my eyes since it is a very bumpy road), read, avoid any form of socialization with grim-faced Russians, etc. I never worry about parking, being too tired to drive, or ice on the roads. I have not had a daily commute in nearly three years and have not owned a car in more than five years. (In both Hungary and Gabon, I had an assigned company vehicle and drove myself to work.)
Regardless of my commute to and from work, I usually get home in the evenings, have a light dinner, water my plants, and consume some fiction-based media. It's as exciting as it sounds. Yes, I've been out a few times, but until our lumpy work coverage gets sorted out in a few weeks, I do not have much time for making it rain at da club. Seriously, the days here take on a routine, much like anywhere else. Routine drives most days, provides normalcy (and often sanity), and generally keeps things far less dramatic than they otherwise would be.
Ok, I kid, I kid (sort of). The typical day is slightly more compelling, though I'm not sure what you expect. My first three weeks here were actually quite atypical because of both my arrival to the location and the holiday season. Being new always means a steep learning curve. While I'm still on the curve, it's not as steep as it was my first few weeks here. The holidays were interesting as well because January 1-8 was treated as a holiday for local staff (and so the office was basically gutted for an entire week and since that time period straddled a weekend, many people took a few extra days off at the beginning and end to take a full 16 days off from work (going from Saturday, December 28 to Sunday, January 12). Now things are more even, though we're in the midst of what I will obliquely call some lumpy staffing coverage owing to factors which regular readers (if any are left) will know I never provide details on. Suffice to say, this is the hand I inherited from my manager and predecessor and it's something that can be worked through.
The set-up here is quite good, at least in terms of convenience. I usually get up between 06:00-06:30 and stroll out the door by 06:50 to head toward the bus stop. My employer runs buses to the office/base facility since it is at the edge of town (and then some). On weekdays, the bus comes at 07:13 and I'm usually at my desk between 07:30-07:40 depending on the traffic (aka: depending on how much snow is on the ground). There is a later bus, but it arrives after 09:00 and is for shamefully late employees. Office work is office work, some people to meet, things to review, numbers to crunch, e-mails to ignore, etc. Lunch is provided in an on-site cafeteria. It's nothing fancy, but a nice warm meal does eliminate the need to put any time or thought into lunch plans. From a business perspective, it's really the only sensible thing to do. The base is several kilometers from shops and restaurants so on-site meals allow employees to spend more time at work and less time eating. Well, perhaps the same amount of time actually eating, but the one minute walk to the cafeteria is much shorter than the time it would take to go out to eat every day. At the end of the day, there are a few more bus options, leaving at five past the hour from 17:05 to 20:05. Want to stay later? Then you'll be taking a taxi home unless you have your own car.
About cars, I don't have one here. I could purchase one, but lack most of the reasons others have for doing so like family or living far away from the bus stops or a need for speed or desire to go off-roading or any of those sorts of things. A car would not simplify my life. It would moderately complicate my life. Sure, it would be convenient, but you know what's even more convenient? Not having to drive to work. I can sleep on the bus (or at least close my eyes since it is a very bumpy road), read, avoid any form of socialization with grim-faced Russians, etc. I never worry about parking, being too tired to drive, or ice on the roads. I have not had a daily commute in nearly three years and have not owned a car in more than five years. (In both Hungary and Gabon, I had an assigned company vehicle and drove myself to work.)
Regardless of my commute to and from work, I usually get home in the evenings, have a light dinner, water my plants, and consume some fiction-based media. It's as exciting as it sounds. Yes, I've been out a few times, but until our lumpy work coverage gets sorted out in a few weeks, I do not have much time for making it rain at da club. Seriously, the days here take on a routine, much like anywhere else. Routine drives most days, provides normalcy (and often sanity), and generally keeps things far less dramatic than they otherwise would be.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
well, that fizzled out
I was genuinely eager to return to blogging upon my arrival to Russia. And then I had some trip delays getting out here and ended up stuck in Moscow a couple extra days. Then arrived here in the midst of holidays and several different personnel moves. And now I have settled into a routine at work that does not involve writing. Well, it involves plenty of writing, mostly of e-mails, but not of blogging in this space. And those are all excuses. Lame excuses at that. At the very least, I can console myself with the knowledge that I have spent my time on other tasks which mostly fall under the category of what I call "life maintenance". Thing like getting the new apartment up to snuff with light bulbs (so many light bulbs, to be explained another day), cleaning, and the purchasing of housewares and linens. I know, downright domestic. Plus, a fair bit of reading as I have been cruising through the very good Hyperion Cantos series by Dan Simmons. And those are yet more excuses, albeit slightly less lame.
Thus, here we are. The weather report today is moderately sunny during the day which made the daytime high of -11 degC seem more palatable. I ride a desk so it doesn't really matter and am generally outside all of 30 minutes a day, most of which is spent walking between my apartment and the bus stop. And blah blah blah and other useless drivel. You didn't come here for daily minutiae, though perhaps why else would you (family excluded of course) be reading some random person's blog. Time to start tapping and typing away.
Thus, here we are. The weather report today is moderately sunny during the day which made the daytime high of -11 degC seem more palatable. I ride a desk so it doesn't really matter and am generally outside all of 30 minutes a day, most of which is spent walking between my apartment and the bus stop. And blah blah blah and other useless drivel. You didn't come here for daily minutiae, though perhaps why else would you (family excluded of course) be reading some random person's blog. Time to start tapping and typing away.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
our long trans-national nightmare is over
I'm back. Now from Russia with Love. It works on two whole levels. Additionally, the title is an adapted version of the esteemable Gerald Ford's inauguration speech. Or perhaps that one classic speech from George W. Bush. It's sometimes hard to tell those great orators apart.
My days in Turkmenistan and its censorship of blogger.com and terrible bandwidth are over. I'm now in the fair city of Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk, Russia, a place seemingly near the edge of the Earth, which you'd think would be hard to find on a spherical body but yet here we are. I have been here nearly two weeks now. First impressions: there is snow, lots of snow and many of the cars are right-hand drive which is presumably a function of the the island's proximity to Japan. A bonus observation: I have heard fireworks every night I have been here, not just last night. The locals seem to really dig blowing things up. More to come soon. Maybe.
My days in Turkmenistan and its censorship of blogger.com and terrible bandwidth are over. I'm now in the fair city of Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk, Russia, a place seemingly near the edge of the Earth, which you'd think would be hard to find on a spherical body but yet here we are. I have been here nearly two weeks now. First impressions: there is snow, lots of snow and many of the cars are right-hand drive which is presumably a function of the the island's proximity to Japan. A bonus observation: I have heard fireworks every night I have been here, not just last night. The locals seem to really dig blowing things up. More to come soon. Maybe.
Monday, July 01, 2013
a June wash
Whelp, June has become a wash of no posts. This issue with the censorship and needing to do some VPN hoop-jumping has deeply dampened my interest in writing. I end up with all these ideas and then go to this page and of course it is blocked. I really need to be writing posts offline and then doing the hoop-jumping at a more convenient time. The problem is compounded by two other things. First, I was home part of June and I oddly don't blog much while home. It's a mix of being busy with more interesting things and simply from being incredibly tired. Finding energy while home is never easy since the work never quite goes away and is always there in the back of my mind. This brings me to the second item which is work itself. I am busy. Perhaps not in a way that translate to lots of revenue for the company, but it feels like I am much busier at work than I used to be. Things are always in transition, but this is more transition-y than usual and I feel like I'm running hard just to stay in place.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
tuesdays in turkmenistan: VPN
And I'm back and in Turkmenistan brought to you courtesy of the magic of VPN. However, I'm still at a total loss for writing topics. Fortunately, my good friend went on a bit of a horse riding adventure and took quite a tumble two days ago. Unsurprisingly, no one here has heard about the spontaneous dismount from the noble steed.
The censorship here is a peculiar thing. They block entire domains at a time, but not necessarily the mobile app versions of those same services. For instance, while Blogger on the web is normally blocked, the Blogger app works. Same goes for Twitter where the app works (but will not load pictures), but the website is blocked. There are some apps that are blocked, though only ones that can be used for chatting or have a heavy chatting component are blocked. It is a continuously evolving process. Program you use to chat with friends is blocked? Everyone migrates to something else until the censors catch on and block it as well. And repeat.
The censorship here is a peculiar thing. They block entire domains at a time, but not necessarily the mobile app versions of those same services. For instance, while Blogger on the web is normally blocked, the Blogger app works. Same goes for Twitter where the app works (but will not load pictures), but the website is blocked. There are some apps that are blocked, though only ones that can be used for chatting or have a heavy chatting component are blocked. It is a continuously evolving process. Program you use to chat with friends is blocked? Everyone migrates to something else until the censors catch on and block it as well. And repeat.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
a post (sort of) about nothing in particular
I have been a largely absentee blogger. Aside from these two falsely-dated “tuesdays (not) in turkmenistan” posts, not much has crossed here in the past few months. This has largely been a practical problem. Due to some changes at work, many websites are now censored by the local telecom. This includes the blogger.com domain where this is hosted. Amusingly enough, I can access blogger through my Android app, but by interest in posted through my thumbs is quite limited. However, there are ways around this practical problem, mostly involving VPNs and other TLAs (three letter acronyms) that I do not fully understand. The other part of the problem has been one of energy and motivation. With enough interest, I am sure I could be posting from work. However, I have clearly not been doing so since I have not had the interest. Nothing new under the sun to write about? Perhaps. Spending my free time in other ways? Perhaps. Simply tired of blogging? Much more likely. Will this upcoming rotation see renewed blogging vigor? Meh. It’s nearly midnight here and I need to go board soon.
Oh, and in case you are wondering, I am posting this from the Istanbul international lounge. Very nice. Very, very nice. Frankfurt should take some lessons from this place. And SFO should hang its head in deep, deep shame since its lounge is a horrid joke.
Oh, and in case you are wondering, I am posting this from the Istanbul international lounge. Very nice. Very, very nice. Frankfurt should take some lessons from this place. And SFO should hang its head in deep, deep shame since its lounge is a horrid joke.
Monday, March 04, 2013
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
tuesdays in turkmenistan: where i cheat with this post
The title should really read "where i cheat shamelessly with this post" as it is being put up two weeks late, has nothing particularly to do with Turkmenistan and is in fact a lot of random rambling. This is my gap entry, a missed TinT, that hasn't even nagged at me like these normally do. I'm simply too busy. I'll get into some generalized specifics in the entry that is actually supposed to be posted today (Nov 27), but this space is just filler. Idle words and bits in the digital abyss, like a overly stylized special effect from Tron 2.0.
My time off hasn't really been much in the way of time off. Plus, it ended not so great this last time. I went to London prior to my return to work. That should have been good. Conceptually, it was great. However, I somehow managed to hurt my foot (and I'm still not sure how I even did that), my first full day there so I spent the next couple of days gimping through the pain. I did take it easy the next day, but every step hurt. It is fine now and was seemingly some sort of deep bruise though there was no discoloration, perhaps a bone bruise, though I am not actually a doctor so this is lay speculation. However, it took more than a week before I was able to shake off the pain for good. It was also the first time I resorted to any sort of pain medication in several years.
My time off hasn't really been much in the way of time off. Plus, it ended not so great this last time. I went to London prior to my return to work. That should have been good. Conceptually, it was great. However, I somehow managed to hurt my foot (and I'm still not sure how I even did that), my first full day there so I spent the next couple of days gimping through the pain. I did take it easy the next day, but every step hurt. It is fine now and was seemingly some sort of deep bruise though there was no discoloration, perhaps a bone bruise, though I am not actually a doctor so this is lay speculation. However, it took more than a week before I was able to shake off the pain for good. It was also the first time I resorted to any sort of pain medication in several years.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Test post of mobile
Test post with the mobile app. Too tiring to type at length but potentially an interesting feature.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
tuesdays in turkmenistan: a slow recovery
Been back nearly a week and I am still not quite fully adjusted. The hectic pace of my time back in the U.S. left me with a mild cold that persisted through the trip back. Flights seem to drag out an illness, however minor it may seem. One day becomes four days. The sore throat doesn't disappear. And you're always tired.
Everything here is the same, more or less. Work is work, people are people. Same in the sense that a certain degree of change is to be expected. Activity, clients, people, projects, etc. As boring as it may seem, the mundane is needed at times. Routine is part of progress. Even the weather is mundane, finally. We are done with Summer's 40+ degC days and Winter's icy touch is not yet here. Perfect weather to go for walk's in the evening, out on some Sunday Sundae strolls in our quests to get ice cream. In a country that is seemingly unpredictable, the sameness offers a bit of calm. A calm before the storm.
Everything here is the same, more or less. Work is work, people are people. Same in the sense that a certain degree of change is to be expected. Activity, clients, people, projects, etc. As boring as it may seem, the mundane is needed at times. Routine is part of progress. Even the weather is mundane, finally. We are done with Summer's 40+ degC days and Winter's icy touch is not yet here. Perfect weather to go for walk's in the evening, out on some Sunday Sundae strolls in our quests to get ice cream. In a country that is seemingly unpredictable, the sameness offers a bit of calm. A calm before the storm.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
@outlook
I picked an e-mail address with Microsoft's new (more or less) outlook.com service. It is the same as my gmail account except it ends in @outlook.com of course. I haven't used it for anything except to send and receive test messages to ensure it is indeed the name I intended to choose. At this point, no services are signed up with the account so it remains pristine in the eyes of spam bots and marketers attempting to purchase my information. Of course, random people could sign me up for all manner of services or even get their own e-mail address wrong. I have definitely had people send e-mails to my gmail account under the mistaken belief that I was their friend or family member. Neigh, I am not.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
tuesdays in turkmenistan: an emptiness
Owing to a particular set of circumstances, the camp here is quite empty at the moment. That should change in a couple weeks, but meal time is rather dull at the moment, despite my attempts to ramble on about anything and everything. And with Ramadan starting in a couple days, a few of the camp residents will be fasting during daylight hours so that will count the number of people at the regular meal times down another 2-3 bodies. The camp is just kind of dull. Of course, I can simply bury myself further into work, but that doesn't help with balance.
I also finished a few books I was reading. Towards the end of my last rotation, while I was working on the tender that occupied so much of the day time, I was crushing my way through The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo trilogy. They are very fast reads and went by in less than two weeks. Then I started in on Cryptonomicon after a recommendation from a friend. It was a bit slow going at first, but then it also went by quickly once I had more time at home. Now I'm in a rut. I want to start on Dune and made it about three pages in, but I've been a bit tired during my first week back. I'll give it another whirl in a few days as it has long been touted as a science fiction classic. That will help fill a bit of the emptiness during the evenings in the camp.
Also, even if this post is four days late, it feels very relieving to have something up than yet another void for Tuesdays in Turkmenistan. It is something of an obligation I feel and it does gnaw at me during the week if I haven't posted anything or I am late with the post. The empty space sits there, existing nowhere in particular, silently mocking me for my lack of ideas. At least this is something. Better than nothing? Perhaps, perhaps not, but now that it is filled the gnawing is gone.
I also finished a few books I was reading. Towards the end of my last rotation, while I was working on the tender that occupied so much of the day time, I was crushing my way through The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo trilogy. They are very fast reads and went by in less than two weeks. Then I started in on Cryptonomicon after a recommendation from a friend. It was a bit slow going at first, but then it also went by quickly once I had more time at home. Now I'm in a rut. I want to start on Dune and made it about three pages in, but I've been a bit tired during my first week back. I'll give it another whirl in a few days as it has long been touted as a science fiction classic. That will help fill a bit of the emptiness during the evenings in the camp.
Also, even if this post is four days late, it feels very relieving to have something up than yet another void for Tuesdays in Turkmenistan. It is something of an obligation I feel and it does gnaw at me during the week if I haven't posted anything or I am late with the post. The empty space sits there, existing nowhere in particular, silently mocking me for my lack of ideas. At least this is something. Better than nothing? Perhaps, perhaps not, but now that it is filled the gnawing is gone.
Monday, July 09, 2012
tuesdays not in turkmenistan: where i fell off the wagon
Um, yeah, we're gonna need to move your desk downstairs into Storage B. That doesn't really have anything to do with what's on my mind other than the slightly sheepish way in which I do wish to say, "um, yeah" always ends up sounding like Lumbergh's voice from Office Space.
So, um, yeah. I really went blog AWOL for a while and even this post is two days late. Eleven weeks in TUM was a long haul last time and these almost three weeks at home went by very quickly. That's typically a good thing as it means I was busy at active and not whiling away my time doing nothing. And I was generally busy and active going out almost every day and seeing people. Unfortunately, now I'm at the end of my days off and I'm already tired. Or perhaps I am still tired. Either way, I'm headed back to work not feeling particularly rested. These days off were a peculiarly stressful in ways I am not all that interested in discussing. Suffice to say, once more into the breach I go.
So, um, yeah. I really went blog AWOL for a while and even this post is two days late. Eleven weeks in TUM was a long haul last time and these almost three weeks at home went by very quickly. That's typically a good thing as it means I was busy at active and not whiling away my time doing nothing. And I was generally busy and active going out almost every day and seeing people. Unfortunately, now I'm at the end of my days off and I'm already tired. Or perhaps I am still tired. Either way, I'm headed back to work not feeling particularly rested. These days off were a peculiarly stressful in ways I am not all that interested in discussing. Suffice to say, once more into the breach I go.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
tuesdays in turkmenistan: where june is more than half done
It's June you say? Where have the last two weeks of Tuesdays in Turkmenistan been you ask? They've been trapped inside of Turkmenistan! Metaphorically of course for an idea can never be held in a physical location. Except the brain. That's where ideas are stored.
Today marks 11 weeks since I departed from SFO. Eleven long weeks. It is somewhat odd that this feels so long, considering that I have certainly spent much longer periods of time elsewhere without a break. I went eight months between vacations from the time I went to Congo/Gabon till the time I had a vacation. And that included five straight months of being in Gabon, book-ended by my move from Congo to there as well as a 2-day trip to Paris to see a client. This has been a strange rotation. From the beginning, it was never going to be seven weeks. I had planned on working eight weeks as part of a future schedule plan for some weddings later in the year. But business needs are what they are and schedules invariably change. My own schedule can probably be pushed back on course with some finessing.
Not only is this an egregiously late TinT entry, it is also the first entry of the entire month. Let's just say that I reached a certain fatigue level that has just sort of carried for a few weeks, only to be interrupted by a thrilling four days in Ashgabat where I wondered the mysteries of 3-ring binders in an office with no 3-hole punch. Along with the A4 vs Letter paper size dispute, there is a predilection for an even number of holes in paper. Almost everything is either 2- or 4-holes. Is this fundamentally superior? Does it offer a more pleasing type of symmetry? Is there a subconscious desire to avoid discussing socially awkward 'third-wheel' situations? These are the mysteries that we must plumb and understand. Or not.
In about two hours, I will head to the airport, pass through four security check-points, three of which are useless, and then travel for nearly 24 hours. My plans: sleep and watch as many non-terrible movies as Lufthansa is showing. See people soon, sort of.
Today marks 11 weeks since I departed from SFO. Eleven long weeks. It is somewhat odd that this feels so long, considering that I have certainly spent much longer periods of time elsewhere without a break. I went eight months between vacations from the time I went to Congo/Gabon till the time I had a vacation. And that included five straight months of being in Gabon, book-ended by my move from Congo to there as well as a 2-day trip to Paris to see a client. This has been a strange rotation. From the beginning, it was never going to be seven weeks. I had planned on working eight weeks as part of a future schedule plan for some weddings later in the year. But business needs are what they are and schedules invariably change. My own schedule can probably be pushed back on course with some finessing.
Not only is this an egregiously late TinT entry, it is also the first entry of the entire month. Let's just say that I reached a certain fatigue level that has just sort of carried for a few weeks, only to be interrupted by a thrilling four days in Ashgabat where I wondered the mysteries of 3-ring binders in an office with no 3-hole punch. Along with the A4 vs Letter paper size dispute, there is a predilection for an even number of holes in paper. Almost everything is either 2- or 4-holes. Is this fundamentally superior? Does it offer a more pleasing type of symmetry? Is there a subconscious desire to avoid discussing socially awkward 'third-wheel' situations? These are the mysteries that we must plumb and understand. Or not.
In about two hours, I will head to the airport, pass through four security check-points, three of which are useless, and then travel for nearly 24 hours. My plans: sleep and watch as many non-terrible movies as Lufthansa is showing. See people soon, sort of.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
tuesdays in turkmenistan: a sham?
This isn't going to come out well. I know because I've tried to write this entry several times, but today I'm just saying screw it and we'll go for it and see what happens. Even the post from two weeks ago was an attempt at this, but it ended up going a different direction. Related to all that is this concept of who you are. Who you are is in theory a pretty specific thing. You occupy a set physical space and are a particular being. Your concept of self should be well grounded, but I have this idea about people as symbols. I've held this idea for a long time. Not held in the sense that I firmly believe it and base significant portions of my worldview around it as a central tenet of my existence. More like I have had this idea for many years and use it to help understand how people perceive their relationships with one another. The core of the "people as symbols" idea is that we never really know each other. We don't know the very core and essence of another person. Instead, we only know them for what they represent to us, what they symbolize about the world for ourselves. Think of the person you are closest to in the entire world. Do you know them as them and understand how they see themselves and what they perceive? Or, instead, do you see them for what they mean to you in your life and even when you support them, it's because of the reciprocal feedback and enjoyment you may get from that? This isn't meant to be a cynical idea though it can come across as such. Perhaps the real point is that true empathy is impossible since you can never know exactly what another person is feeling or thinking. It is entirely possible that my interest in this idea says a significant amount about the relationships I have with those around me, even with people to whom I am relatively close.
Why does this matter and why is it "all a sham" in my post title? It's complicated and I'm desperately trying to steer this entry into a direction that will eventually sort of tie into that title. Maybe. Amongst the thought about this people are symbols idea has come some thoughts about what I represent to other people. It is the natural reflection of what other people represent to me. And it makes me wonder about who I am for everyone. See, this also ties into another idea which is that we all act differently around different people. Again, I tried to write about this three weeks ago and did a dismal job then. The point is that we're a bit different in front of our parents compared to our siblings compared to our friends compared to our co-workers. And even within these groups, we have specific behavioral patterns and roles which we fill and how we complement (not in the 'hey you're cute' way, but the 'hey, this piece fits nicely way') others in different ways depending on the relationship we have with that person or group. I've been mulling this over. Yesterday, I was not literally on fire at lunch and dinner. It's my free-zone here in the canteen to say anything and everything that comes to mind. For all the childhood shyness and general dislike of public speaking, I really enjoy talking during mealtime here. Perhaps it's partly out of a not-so-secret love of the sound of my own oration or a dislike of the awkward silence of a bunch of semi-strangers eating together or one of the few precious times where we're not "at work" in the sense that we're not metaphorically (nor literally, I hope) chained to our desks or maybe I just have a lot on my mind and like to make people laugh. If I may humbly submit, I am very funny at mealtime. I'm not entirely sure how or why this is possible. It's a mix of filling an otherwise silent void with my inane ramblings about the absurd peculiarities of both this work and this place, my willingness to say anything (perhaps too often for shock value), the sarcasm that never ever ends to the point where people have told me it's hard to tell if I'm actually being serious at meals even during those times I am trying to be serious. Evidently, along with having this seemingly odd rep for talking a lot during mealtime, I also have a rep for pulling all manner of statistics and citing research on whatever the topic of the day might be. If you're talking about it, apparently, I've read about it. Well, why not. I consume a lot of news. All sorts of crazy news too. People believe something more if it rhymes? Sure, why not?
That was a long-ish tangent but the point is that I am a certain person in a certain context with the people here. For the most part, these are not people I work directly with in my own segment, which helps me further compartmentalize. Is that person any more or less the "real" me? I further joke in a somewhat meta-sense that "my whole life is a sham" which is a line I am shamelessly stealing from Seinfeld. In that show, George is responding to someone who has just said that he (not George) is living a lie. In response, George says "I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham." I use that line frequently here because, well, because there's a bit of truth to it. Not that my existence is somehow not true, but that the projection of me that people see here is not entirely accurate. It's difficult to say if it is more accurate than other facets of my personality though because that again touches on this concept of self and who you are and if there is somehow a core you that is always there, never-changing. This is coming out so badly, but I need to soldier on. I even carry on this joke a bit further by pointing out the suspicious lack of photos and how I've never shown any real evidence that I am who I say I am. It is all part of my ruse as a Chinese guy from Kazakhstan pretending to be American but secretly working for the Russians. Perhaps I am Burn Notice. Referring to a person (in this case, myself) as a TV show reminds me of a Simpsons quote. Humor me here:
Homer: I think the government has better things to do than to read my mail.
(cut to agents reading letters from a bag called 'Simpson Mail')
FBI Agent: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies. "Dear Die Hard. You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?"
Comedy gold.
Back on point. I keep answering the same basic questions to people. I try to be patient because while I have been here surprisingly close to a year, I have not told everyone everything about every facet of my life. The basic questions usually cover these four topics:
1. Questions about past: Where are you from? What's it like there? School? Degree in?
2. Questions about family and friends: Parents? Married? Why not? Brothers/sisters?
3. Questions about interests: Hobbies? Days off plans? Play sports?
4. Questions about work: Previous work locations? What was it like?
Yes, it is all polite conversation. And yes, all the answers should stay the same, but every time I answer a question, it's not that I give conflicting information, but sometimes I give a little more or a little less. Do I go into the particulars of who I lived with in college? What level of detail do I share about my plans for days off? I share different things with different people. Is that because it is what I think they want to hear out of polite conversation? Or do I share more or less depending on what I want from that person and how well I want them to know me and thus in turn how well I want to know them? In the end, everyone knows me, but a slightly different version of me which makes perfect sense. This isn't a phenomena that is somehow unique to my existence. Everyone you know has a largely similar but still different set of information about you based on their unique experiences with you. Combined with their own experiences of everyone else they know, they have formed and shaped some perception of you that fits with the rest of their worldview.
Thus far, I have managed to expend a great number of words to basically say that everyone is unique and we can never know exactly what someone else is thinking/feeling. So what? The what is that while I am unique in the sense that everyone is unique, I suspect my uniqueness has the quirk of being more different to more people. My compartmentalization of my life has led people to fill-in aspects of my life that I do not otherwise share. Perhaps their attempt at filling in the blanks is incomplete and even largely sub-conscious, but people see what they want to see. I think this is why people here will often say I look Turkmen or Kazakh. Sure, I might look local, but contextually, that is what people here would expect to see so they fill in whatever they need to in order to complete the context of my existence. This is starting to not make sense (or perhaps never made any sense) so before this entry ends, again in relative failure compared to its ultimate objective, I want to get across this idea that if I'm different enough to different people, do I actually change? Is my awareness of others' perceptions also shaping my own actions and ideas and becoming "self-fulfilling"? It's not like there will be some problem of inherent inconsistency between different perceptions people have of me that will lead to some incompleteness-induced implosion. (That sentence has too many words that start with the letter "i".) The problem is about being able to hold and shape one's own vision of himself or herself, specially my vision of me. No, scratch that. That's not the problem. That is merely an attempt to make the problem sound more important than it really is. The problem is why do I even think about this in the first place. What does my interest with this subject say about what I think of my own life and my own choices? This goes into ideas about the Dunning-Kruger effect and Impostor syndrome. It is a deep interest in self-awareness and what that means and implies. So close, but so far from where I wanted to go with this post.
Why does this matter and why is it "all a sham" in my post title? It's complicated and I'm desperately trying to steer this entry into a direction that will eventually sort of tie into that title. Maybe. Amongst the thought about this people are symbols idea has come some thoughts about what I represent to other people. It is the natural reflection of what other people represent to me. And it makes me wonder about who I am for everyone. See, this also ties into another idea which is that we all act differently around different people. Again, I tried to write about this three weeks ago and did a dismal job then. The point is that we're a bit different in front of our parents compared to our siblings compared to our friends compared to our co-workers. And even within these groups, we have specific behavioral patterns and roles which we fill and how we complement (not in the 'hey you're cute' way, but the 'hey, this piece fits nicely way') others in different ways depending on the relationship we have with that person or group. I've been mulling this over. Yesterday, I was not literally on fire at lunch and dinner. It's my free-zone here in the canteen to say anything and everything that comes to mind. For all the childhood shyness and general dislike of public speaking, I really enjoy talking during mealtime here. Perhaps it's partly out of a not-so-secret love of the sound of my own oration or a dislike of the awkward silence of a bunch of semi-strangers eating together or one of the few precious times where we're not "at work" in the sense that we're not metaphorically (nor literally, I hope) chained to our desks or maybe I just have a lot on my mind and like to make people laugh. If I may humbly submit, I am very funny at mealtime. I'm not entirely sure how or why this is possible. It's a mix of filling an otherwise silent void with my inane ramblings about the absurd peculiarities of both this work and this place, my willingness to say anything (perhaps too often for shock value), the sarcasm that never ever ends to the point where people have told me it's hard to tell if I'm actually being serious at meals even during those times I am trying to be serious. Evidently, along with having this seemingly odd rep for talking a lot during mealtime, I also have a rep for pulling all manner of statistics and citing research on whatever the topic of the day might be. If you're talking about it, apparently, I've read about it. Well, why not. I consume a lot of news. All sorts of crazy news too. People believe something more if it rhymes? Sure, why not?
That was a long-ish tangent but the point is that I am a certain person in a certain context with the people here. For the most part, these are not people I work directly with in my own segment, which helps me further compartmentalize. Is that person any more or less the "real" me? I further joke in a somewhat meta-sense that "my whole life is a sham" which is a line I am shamelessly stealing from Seinfeld. In that show, George is responding to someone who has just said that he (not George) is living a lie. In response, George says "I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham." I use that line frequently here because, well, because there's a bit of truth to it. Not that my existence is somehow not true, but that the projection of me that people see here is not entirely accurate. It's difficult to say if it is more accurate than other facets of my personality though because that again touches on this concept of self and who you are and if there is somehow a core you that is always there, never-changing. This is coming out so badly, but I need to soldier on. I even carry on this joke a bit further by pointing out the suspicious lack of photos and how I've never shown any real evidence that I am who I say I am. It is all part of my ruse as a Chinese guy from Kazakhstan pretending to be American but secretly working for the Russians. Perhaps I am Burn Notice. Referring to a person (in this case, myself) as a TV show reminds me of a Simpsons quote. Humor me here:
Homer: I think the government has better things to do than to read my mail.
(cut to agents reading letters from a bag called 'Simpson Mail')
FBI Agent: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies. "Dear Die Hard. You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?"
Comedy gold.
Back on point. I keep answering the same basic questions to people. I try to be patient because while I have been here surprisingly close to a year, I have not told everyone everything about every facet of my life. The basic questions usually cover these four topics:
1. Questions about past: Where are you from? What's it like there? School? Degree in?
2. Questions about family and friends: Parents? Married? Why not? Brothers/sisters?
3. Questions about interests: Hobbies? Days off plans? Play sports?
4. Questions about work: Previous work locations? What was it like?
Yes, it is all polite conversation. And yes, all the answers should stay the same, but every time I answer a question, it's not that I give conflicting information, but sometimes I give a little more or a little less. Do I go into the particulars of who I lived with in college? What level of detail do I share about my plans for days off? I share different things with different people. Is that because it is what I think they want to hear out of polite conversation? Or do I share more or less depending on what I want from that person and how well I want them to know me and thus in turn how well I want to know them? In the end, everyone knows me, but a slightly different version of me which makes perfect sense. This isn't a phenomena that is somehow unique to my existence. Everyone you know has a largely similar but still different set of information about you based on their unique experiences with you. Combined with their own experiences of everyone else they know, they have formed and shaped some perception of you that fits with the rest of their worldview.
Thus far, I have managed to expend a great number of words to basically say that everyone is unique and we can never know exactly what someone else is thinking/feeling. So what? The what is that while I am unique in the sense that everyone is unique, I suspect my uniqueness has the quirk of being more different to more people. My compartmentalization of my life has led people to fill-in aspects of my life that I do not otherwise share. Perhaps their attempt at filling in the blanks is incomplete and even largely sub-conscious, but people see what they want to see. I think this is why people here will often say I look Turkmen or Kazakh. Sure, I might look local, but contextually, that is what people here would expect to see so they fill in whatever they need to in order to complete the context of my existence. This is starting to not make sense (or perhaps never made any sense) so before this entry ends, again in relative failure compared to its ultimate objective, I want to get across this idea that if I'm different enough to different people, do I actually change? Is my awareness of others' perceptions also shaping my own actions and ideas and becoming "self-fulfilling"? It's not like there will be some problem of inherent inconsistency between different perceptions people have of me that will lead to some incompleteness-induced implosion. (That sentence has too many words that start with the letter "i".) The problem is about being able to hold and shape one's own vision of himself or herself, specially my vision of me. No, scratch that. That's not the problem. That is merely an attempt to make the problem sound more important than it really is. The problem is why do I even think about this in the first place. What does my interest with this subject say about what I think of my own life and my own choices? This goes into ideas about the Dunning-Kruger effect and Impostor syndrome. It is a deep interest in self-awareness and what that means and implies. So close, but so far from where I wanted to go with this post.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
ramblings
This is going to be just whatever comes to mind in the next few minutes that I can type out and pretend it forms some sort of coherent thought. You're welcome to continue reading, but I'm mostly writing to try and clear some room in my brain. The logic being that if I get something written down, then I can delete it from my mind and will have my room for other things. Perfect, yes? Anyway, I had a bit of a stomach flu problem yesterday and didn't get to enjoy much of the Family Day event from yesterday. The Family Day yesterday was a chance for employees to bring their spouses and children to the base for a dinner, children's talent show, and a generally suitable amount of drinking and dancing. And while some partied hard till quite late, I went to my room very early and tried to figure out what I ate that made me feel so miserable. I have no clear suspects but at least two others were also feeling a bit unsettled in the gastrointestinal region so a food-borne culprit seems most likely. And it was not something from the dinner as I was already ill by lunch time. All is well today so the investigation will not likely go any further. Back to the Family Day. Yes, it was seemingly very typical for what I understand a party here to be like. The same expected food dishes, socializing, dancing, drinking. It's undoubtedly one of many things about this place that I will never fully convey. It's just part of being here. So different and yet so normal.
What does that mean? So different and yet so normal? It is best summed up as my total lack of surprise. There's very little people could do that I would find shocking or surprising. Different, yes. Shocking, no, not really. Everywhere around the world people are different, but more or less the same. Once you cut through the outer layers of social customs and norms, the core needs we have are more or less the same. Like Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Maybe, but that's more structure than what comes to mind. Perhaps just the bottom three levels then or maybe not even that much. Regardless, it's part of my whole people are people philosophy. I often wish people could go through a course like much of the in-house training at work. Not for the technical material, but for the cultural experience of being in a 19-person class with people from 16 different countries working all over the world. People are people.
But what about robots? Are robots people? No. The answer is no. This is very obvious, why would you even ask such a question?
I do feel moderately relieved today. It's month end and the usual grind that goes with that is more or less over. Now the cycle repeats as always. Yeah yeah yeah. We're going to plan better and get templates made and have everything in place so it's less annoying next month. All lies! We need that crushing urgency of the last-minute to be productive. Procrastination is inspiration. Also, we just finished three moderately major jobs that had been delayed for a bit so that also feels good to know that they are "in the bag" and we're able to relax for about three hours then start preparing for the next set of jobs. But don't worry, we'll be better prepared and there won't be any procrastination next time!
What does that mean? So different and yet so normal? It is best summed up as my total lack of surprise. There's very little people could do that I would find shocking or surprising. Different, yes. Shocking, no, not really. Everywhere around the world people are different, but more or less the same. Once you cut through the outer layers of social customs and norms, the core needs we have are more or less the same. Like Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Maybe, but that's more structure than what comes to mind. Perhaps just the bottom three levels then or maybe not even that much. Regardless, it's part of my whole people are people philosophy. I often wish people could go through a course like much of the in-house training at work. Not for the technical material, but for the cultural experience of being in a 19-person class with people from 16 different countries working all over the world. People are people.
But what about robots? Are robots people? No. The answer is no. This is very obvious, why would you even ask such a question?
I do feel moderately relieved today. It's month end and the usual grind that goes with that is more or less over. Now the cycle repeats as always. Yeah yeah yeah. We're going to plan better and get templates made and have everything in place so it's less annoying next month. All lies! We need that crushing urgency of the last-minute to be productive. Procrastination is inspiration. Also, we just finished three moderately major jobs that had been delayed for a bit so that also feels good to know that they are "in the bag" and we're able to relax for about three hours then start preparing for the next set of jobs. But don't worry, we'll be better prepared and there won't be any procrastination next time!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
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