Good Afternoon Brian,
I have an opportunity with Conoco Phillips in Farmington, New Mexico and in Midland, Texas
They are needing engineers in the following, (Drilling, Reservoir, Completions, and Productions.)
I believe that Conoco would be a good fit for you. They invest in there people they wants candidates for the "long haul"
If you are leaving anything on the table they try there best to take all of that into consideration in the "offer."
It is a great opportunity, exceptional compensation packages, sign on bonuses and relo packages
The HR Manager of Exploration and the Engineering Manager are doing phone interviews and then flying candidates out for site visits.
If you are interested please attach your resume and a time and date that I can speak with you.
You can always say no, but it is at least worth hearing about the offer from Conoco.
I look forward to working with you.
Thank you,
(Name concealed to help poor fool save face.)
(Name concealed again to help poor fool keep his job.)
Senior Executive Recruiter
Talent Tree
Talent Acquisition Group
Direct Line: (Phone number concealed to prevent prank calls involving uproarious laughter)
"Ask me about our $1,000 Referral Program."
Are you kidding me? What a disaster of an e-mail! And those three missing periods aren't typos of mine either. The improper use of "there" instead of "their" is a personal pet peeve, "are needing" is just awkward when "need" would have done nicely, the word "offer" is in quotes for some reason (maybe they pay people with "money" instead of money), the word relocation is abbreviated, and putting "long haul" in quotes doesn't make it seem like there's much long term job security. The real kicker is that "Conoco Phillips" is supposed to be one word. Come on, you don't misspell the name of the company you're (or should I say your?) recruiting for in the sales pitch.
We actually lost one of our field engineers to the ConocoPhillips operation about a month ago. He had only been with us a couple of months so he didn't waste that much of my time trying to train him unlike that other quitter I've discussed in the past. The amusing part about this recent departure is that he wasn't here long enough to learn anything, especially since he was not the sharpest of minds. Perhaps he was swayed by a similarly slick recruiting e-mail. I'm wondering what he can possibly be bringing to the table over at Conoco since he doesn't have experience and he doesn't have a petroleum engineering background. I have already had the good pleasure of interacting with him in his new role and he is totally lost. I, on the other hand, am totally amused.
4 comments:
I have commented before that your blogs contain no small quantity of grammatical and spelling errors. In the past, you have confessed to a failure to proofread. Looked at another way, one who lives in a glass house should not throw stones. Good quality can become a wonderful habit.
Writing or posting in a Blog is very different from writing for a profession. If one cannot correctly spell or express something in writing in a formal manner, at least he needs to ask for help in editing his letter before having it sent. “Good Afternoon Brian” instead of Dear Mr. Love, yeah! I also found this sentense is very strange "I have an opportunity with Conoco Phillips..."
The $1,000 referral program must be some kinds of a joke(peanuts). Back in the 70's, when the high-tech companies needed people, they gave out cars, oversea trips, big bucks and other perks just for you to switch company. As long as the perks are not considered as taxable income. The IRS will come after you for that.
I think it's time for you to negotiate. The art of negotiation/persuation is a must if you want to be in business.
The difference is that all of my grammatical mistakes are deliberate. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.
Be careful what you write about specific people in your blog. The other SLB employees who may or may not work in Farmington know exactly whom you referred to if they read your blog. So do the head hunter and the ex SLB employee who has gone to COP. That leads me to the very vague conclusion why the sheriff’s department and the FBI gave SLB the warning about the potential non-specific threat.
Did you ever find out about the Talent Tree & the Talent Acquisition Group? What do they acquire!
Find out what they have to offer. You may never know if this could be the turning point of your career. You can leave something on the "table" for the "offer" they cannot refuse if they really consider it is the "long haul."
For example: ask to triple your salary, private car and chauffeur, free housing with maids, free first class golf & country club membership and unlimited expense account, 1 month vacation, 2 months sabatical leave, stock option for a fraction of COP price. Year-end bonus which is 10 times of your annual pay. Profit sharing. Full health and dental coverage. Private jet for any travel over 100 miles. Press secretary, private dressing room, always have your favorite foods and drinks available within reach. A yacht is optional.
Let's make it simple, ask for whatever perks the COP VPs get, you get the same!!!!! No title is needed, just the money and perks.
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